We pride ourselves on creating compassionate, mission-driven workplaces in the nonprofit sector. But inside many organizations, an underlying issue lurks behind closed boardroom doors: our culture of “niceness.” And it just might be holding us back from achieving the very impact we seek to create.
Recently, we were invited to help an org reeling from a rough transition.
Board members walked on eggshells. Tiptoeing around the fact that the Executive Director was struggling. Afraid of hurting feelings or seeming unsupportive of someone they all genuinely liked. They let their concerns go unaddressed for months.
By the time they spoke up, it was too late.
The organization has missed critical grant deadlines. Key staff has already walked away. What could have been a chance to grow and strengthen instead left relationships bruised. And, in some cases, broken
This all-too-familiar story —is a symptom of a broader cultural challenge in the nonprofit sector.
The Manifestation of Playing Nice
Many organizations fall into patterns of excessive niceness that can backfire. Managers often hesitate to have tough conversations about performance. Or they wrap feedback in the dreaded and ineffective “compliment sandwich,” so many compliments that the main point gets lost. Or they keep running programs that aren’t working to avoid disappointing folks.
Understanding Root Causes: Why Niceness Can Backfire
Nonprofits can be like golden retrievers: eager to please, full of heart, and innately attuned to other’s feelings. The sector attracts compassionate people who want to make the world better, who, though well-meaning, can mix up kindness with excessive niceness, like a bridesmaid who won’t speak up about an unflattering dress to avoid hurt feelings.
This culture, combined with tight budgets and frequent staff turnover, often leads leaders to tiptoe around conflict to maintain harmony. However, true collaboration needs healthy conflict, not just niceness. This avoidance can keep organizations from building the accountability and resilience they need to thrive.
Key reasons for the niceness trap:
Compassionate workers often blur the line between being kind and being nice.
Limited resources and high turnover can make leaders avoid potential staff dissatisfaction.
A focus on collaboration often overshadows the need for productive conflict.
The Real Costs
When we prioritize niceness over effectiveness, we pay a steep price:
Mission Impact: Every dollar wasted on ineffective programs or underperforming staff is a dollar not serving our beneficiaries.
Team Morale: High performers become frustrated when mediocrity goes unchallenged.
Innovation: Without healthy debate and constructive criticism, new ideas don’t get the rigorous testing they need.
Accountability: Performance issues fester rather than improve.
Research in organizational psychology shows that teams that engage in healthy conflict report higher levels of trust and psychological safety than those who avoid it. As management expert Patrick Lencioni notes, “Trust is knowing that when a team member does push you, they’re doing it because they care about the organization.” This signals that they also care about the mission and you.
Building a Better Balance
So how do we create cultures that are both kind and effective? Here are four practical strategies:
1. Reframe “Nice” vs. “Kind”
– Nice: Avoiding conflict to maintain surface harmony
– Kind: Having difficult conversations because you care about people’s growth, the organization’s health, and mission success
2. Establish Clear Expectations
– Create explicit performance metrics
– Document and communicate standards
– Conduct regular check-ins that normalize direct feedback
3. Model Healthy Conflict
– Demonstrate how to disagree respectfully
– Encourage debate in meetings
– Acknowledge and reward constructive pushback
4. Invest in Skills Development
– Train managers in giving effective feedback
– Provide conflict resolution tools
– Practice difficult conversations in safe settings
Moving Forward
Build a culture where truth and compassion go hand in hand. This means:
Giving timely, clear feedback
Prioritizing impact over comfort
Trusting your team to handle honesty
Remember: avoiding hard conversations isn’t kindness; it often does more harm. Whenever we choose comfort over impact, we miss the chance to truly serve our mission.
So next time, ask yourself: “Am I choosing what’s easy or what’s right for our mission?”
Friends, this simple shift can transform your culture into one that’s both compassionate and powerful!
